@Underchilde: Trying to decide who to leave my middle fingers to when I die.
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@bridger_w: When someone says, "I haven't seen you in forever," a fun response is, "I know, we're really not that good of friends"
@clarkekant: Wondering why we have 50 candidates for Miss America, but only 2 for president. Also, why no swimsuit competition?
@torrami: Our wifi is down and I had to fap using only my imagination like some kind of savage :(
@HuttonGray: Why don't they allow computers in prison? Is it because of the escape button? I think it's because of the escape button.