@Underchilde: Trying to decide who to leave my middle fingers to when I die.
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@leechee420: Shirts that say SWAG and YOLO for sale at Walmart. Because dressing like an idiot should be affordable.
@david8hughes: [at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no
@amishschool: Political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods.
@SwedishCanary: Phones have become so expensive that if you fall and hear a cracking sound you pray that it was your leg.