@Underchilde: Trying to decide who to leave my middle fingers to when I die.
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@Rollinintheseat: I wonder why nobody told Forrest Gump's mom that all you have to do is flip over the box of chocolates and it tells you what's inside.
@mean_crow: to the scum photoshopping bandanas on my wedding photos, STOP. my wife has a bad memory & is in tears, she thinks she married a bandana guy
@daemonic3: Girlfriend: Are you ready to be a dad? "I don't know, how would I know?" GF: I'm pregnant! "Hi Pregnant, I'm... OH MY GOD I'M READY"
@AskAuntieEm1: I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom.