@Underchilde: Trying to decide who to leave my middle fingers to when I die.
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@ShanaRose21: I have a bad habit of starting things and never finishing them. Let's all be thankful I'm not a surgeon.
@slimmy_shady: When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.
@CockSnake: Girlfriend: "I'm pregnant" Me: "Really? Thats great." GF: "April Fo--" *I'm already on a plane to a non extradition country*