@philandher96: Trying to make pancakes this morning and it turns out I didn't get the spatula in the divorce.
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@QwertyJones3: "What are you doing tonight?" Gonna smoke some Herb. "Nice." -guys who work in a crematorium
@MableGertrude: I have friends. By that I mean I have pictures of me standing next to people on Facebook.
@Jandalize: Outside, contemplating life, love, and happiness and if I should tell the neighbor that his kid has been stuck in a tree for three hours.