@FKACornshucks: TT: At sunday dinner I like to perform an impromptu puppet show with the roast chicken. This week it's my interpretation of Die Hard 2.
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@NewDadNotes: [watching Olympic Figure Skating] Me: HOLY CRAP!!! THAT ROUTINE WAS INCREDIBLE!!! T.V. Announcer Johnny Weir: it’s obvious to everyone how awful that routine was Me: oh
@HatfieldAnne: The orthodontist says I'm doing a “super job” wearing my retainers. All this really means is that I'm able to put things in my mouth.