@Laser_Cat: Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
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@TheToddWilliams: [boxing match] ANNOUNCER: ...and the challenger weighing 8lbs 7oz, Billy "The Baby" Sanchez CHAMP: That's a real baby TRAINER: You got this
@Quartzjixler: Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature.
@SlabBaconBP: I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.