@Bunnydurden: Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
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@OfficialMizGin: Reasons to carry a handkerchief: 3) You’ve never heard of tissues 2) You’re doing a magic trick 1) You’re hiding your face to rob a train
@: all these ghosts using slowed down nursery rhymes to haunt people like jesus christ for once i wish some dead person would choose gasolina by daddy yankee i mean youre already dead. bend the rules. pick a bop.
@TheMichaelRock: *wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a..
@WittySassBasket: I like to finish my pelvic exam by asking the doctor 'hey, where'd your watch go?'