@thatUPSdude: Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work.
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@StymieBrewer: Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers.
@InternetHippo: MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship
@FlyJ_: I still don't understand why my boss didn't like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.
@215potter: If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.