@WhaJoTalkinBout: Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: tobacco Me: No.

@ZombieProblms: Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool.

@yoyoha: I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.

@qwajo_jnr: You know that moment when you close a cupboard and hear something fall? That's the sound of someone else's problem

@TomTheWicked: Boss: What's for lunch? Me: Food. B: What kind of food? M: The kind you eat. B: ... M: ... B: ... Me: You hired me. This is your fault.