@StymieBrewer: Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers.

@InternetHippo: MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship

@FlyJ_: I still don't understand why my boss didn't like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.

@215potter: If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.

@DiamondLou69: Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends.