@thatUPSdude: Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work.
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@SamDeLanche: Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
@DebasaurusRex: I won't be gratified sexually until someone dumps one of those big Gatorade containers on me after.
@tastefactory: I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.
@joshgondelman: Why do they call it "buckling a cranky baby into a car seat" and not "fasten the furious?" (Is it still okay to do these given politics?)