@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.
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@BrettDruck: I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro
@jwoodham: The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.
@Jeffwni: Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE! Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]