@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.
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@ibid78: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" *sighs* "Because I'm a sweater" "BECAUSE YOUR A SWE- hehe yeah that's weird but no. Tail light's out."
@DeathStarPR: Stormtroopers never miss. They're just trained to fire a 21 shot salute to celebrate the commencement of every firefight.
@Angrea: OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
@SaddestFinger: how to fall down a long set of stairs: step 1) step 1 step 2) step 3 step 3) step 7 step 4) step 10 step 5) step 15 step 6) step 26