@ScottLinnen: Turns out telling a friend "you're giving off a weird vibe tonight" is not the most direct way to tell them they're on fire
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@Carbosly: No thanks, fantasy football. I already have a fantasy boyfriend, a fantasy sex life & a fantasy bank account. I'm good.
@minnie_in_pink7: I hope George Clooney dumps his wife so he and Brad Pitt can finally be happy together.
@CuddleYourCat: If you piss me off bad enough and tell me to leave you alone, I will take 30 Adderall and send you cat pictures every 3 minutes for 6 days.
@rainerfm: Little did I know the first time I bought a 3-pack of condoms that I was buying a lifetime supply.