@NoraGalora: The last time I had sex, there was a dinosaur in the cave with us.

@CVTBaby: If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh.

@Rachelnoise: Him: Whatcha thinkin about? Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby.

@jumpdashark: My tombstone will read: If You Don't Know Me By Now, You Will Never Ever Ever Know Me.

@: a:1:{s:7:"retweet";i:2;}