@AristotlesNZ: Turns out the easiest way to piss of a vegan is to refer to their veganism as their "eating disorder".
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@kellysdf: Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed.
@AndyAsAdjective: Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" SO I'M GONNA BRING IT! *brings lunch to work*
@ericsshadow: [on a date] HER: any accomplishments? ME: yeah, i'm an award winning [eyes darting around] award winning [sees a dog] dog... liker HER: awww