@DamiensGate: Twinkle twinkle line of coke, you're the reason why I'm broke. :(
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@meatlobes: *waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*
@eXentRic_: Excuse me waiter, I'm in a bit of a hurry, do you have something that has already been Instagrammed?
@Aut_tot: People who brag about drinking black coffee?? Ok enjoy your hot bean water, I'm using creamer because I love myself
@Steelers1972: I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me