@SwanieChicken: Twitter: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk dial the world?
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@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat
@briangaar: How about a superhero whose power is TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS *high-fives Maury audience while Batman storms off*
@causticbob: I got kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas. I didn't cheat. I just misunderstood what the craps table was for.