@TheDjinnTrials: Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation.
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@andylassner: Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle
@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician
@comer310: Orange: Knock knock Apple: Who's there? O: Orange A: Orange who? O: Orange you glad I didn't say Banana? A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!
@shegotagronk: You're so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don't you.