@TheDjinnTrials: Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation.
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@QwertyJones3: Dearly beloved, we are gathered together before God & these witnesses to observe the following: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19 -Prime Minister
@JasonLastname: Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
@Lunatic_times: when the lady in the elevator burst into tears I did the only thing a man could do in the situation. I fell to the floor and played dead.
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.