@TheDjinnTrials: Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation.
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@StinkyGr33n: What's the past tense of "wake & bake"? "Woke and boke"? "Awake and baked"? "Awakened and baconed"? Whatever it is, I'm that
@RealLucasNeff: [The Bachelor] Some of you will be getting roses tonight... [bee in the back] AW HELL YEAH
@onion_an: Dentist switches lamp on: "Now open wide" Moth dental assistant: *repeatedly flies into bulb* Dentist: "This has to stop Denise"
@DannyZuker: Thank you for saying, "I'm just being honest" after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it.