@genehunter1: Twitter is the only place where you're thrilled when a complete stranger starts following you.
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@heatherlou_: *slips seductively out of shorts* You know what that means... *sleeps soundly for 7 hours* *drools a little*
@FussySaffa: When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?' is unwise, apparently.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: News: Hillary won the debate! My friends: Bernie won the debate! Trump: I won the debate! Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!