@Lunatic_times: Twitter is the witness protection program from family on Facebook.
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@bvinson23: I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I'm an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It's because I'm poor.
@AthenaMystique: How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair? Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.
@hazelmotes1: My daughter doesn't know I put the last pudding cup in her lunch earlier this evening, so she won't know I took it out and am eating it now.
@SadPeruna: If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons.