@Lunatic_times: Twitter is the witness protection program from family on Facebook.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@vikkaroni: If you wondered if I was on the naughty list this year, I should probably tell you that the best gift I got was a packing peanut.
@MattMcElaney: GF says my bike helmet looks ridiculous, but I'd rather be "uncool" than fall and crack my head open in the middle of having sex.
@Adar79Angie: I'd make a horrible movie murder victim.When I hear strange noises in the night I roll over and figure, eh, they'll work themselves out.
@CakeThrottle: I ordered my latte wrong at that new gypsy coffee place and now my shadow is a horse shadow