@Lunatic_times: Twitter is the witness protection program from family on Facebook.
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@Jandalize: There's no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you're blowing up a rubber glove.
@AngstromHoot: Attenborough has no respect for crabs. Always gives them ridiculous music. They are jesters to him
@thenoahkinsey: Gerard Butler: Can I get sugar? Waiter: This is sugar. *GB stands pissed* GB: THIS..IS...SPLENDA!! *GB kicks waiter through glass panel*