@YourDailyGroan: Twitter. Or as I call it: Sinterest.
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@OneTrickTofani: *proposes to girlfriend, accidentally dropping the ring in the ocean* "I'll still marry you" No. I'm married to the sea now *dives in*
@joejwest: ME: You've put on weight DRACULA: No I haven't. Prove it ME: When you fly, how many bats do you turn into? DRACULA: [deep sigh] A shitload
@novicefather: [cuddling] her: what are you thinking about? me: these pretzels are making me thirsty
@Carbosly: If there's a zombie apocalypse, I'm becoming a zombie. Walking around doing nothing & eating non-stop seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.