@YourDailyGroan: Twitter. Or as I call it: Sinterest.
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@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.
@Jake_Vig: HER: I think we should see other people. ME: I don't. We're awful. We should leave other people alone.
@panmidwest: ME: I'm not voting for anyone CLINTON: that's a vote for Trump! TRUMP: that's a vote for Clinton! ME: looks like I'm voting twice then