@Dawn_M_: Twitter should give you 5,000 followers when you start and then you have to try and lose them.
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@ericsshadow: ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles. HER: What position do u play? ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.
@Awesome_Todd: Never run with scissors. Unless... • You stole them • You're running a 400 meter scissor relay • You're being chased by giant paper dolls
@MarfSalvador: [Pulled over by cops] Murderer: I swear officer! There ain't nuthin in the trunk! Cop: SIR, PLEASE STEP DOWN FROM THE ELEPHANT