@iNusku: Twitter takes me places I've never been before. Take oncoming traffic for example.
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@JasonLastname: If a shark attacks you, DO NOT punch him in the nose. Be the bigger person and just ignore him.
@forcemajeure40: She said she was a free spirit. That's good. Wasn't sure how I'd pay for a spirit.
@UnicornSyrup: "I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"
@joejwest: [jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go