@iNusku: Twitter takes me places I've never been before. Take oncoming traffic for example.
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@RoosterMustache: "Wow this pizza is amazing" Yes, well it's our specialty dough. We soak it in pickle juice. Dill pickle juice actually. It's a dilldough
@Fruit_Slinger: I'm hungry but broke so I'm waiting for my bf to say he's hungry too than he'll order something delicious while I pretend to be indifferent.
@Firawesome: Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
@david8hughes: Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher? Me opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off: I can't, there's been an accident.