@WilliamAder: Twitter updated their Terms of Service. Now it just says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here."
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@_mindflakes: (boom boom clap) (boom boom clap) Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog Playing in the park Gonna eat some cool bugs today
@goldengateblond: Watch 'Titanic' backwards and it's the feel-good story of a ship that rescues a bunch of drowning swimmers and takes them on a dream cruise.
@TheMichaelRock: HR: You can't urinate outside. Me: Then how will we keep the jellyfish away? HR: Can you take a drug test? Me: Nope, I'm all out of urine