@WilliamAder: Twitter updated their Terms of Service. Now it just says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here."
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@tehaveragejoel: "every family has that one huge weirdo" "NOT MY FAMILY!" I shout as I quickly exit the room, my six ducks on leashes in hot pursuit.
@MakesYouGiggle: Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks.
@markleggett: If you accept small grammatical errors, decent society collapses and then everyone starts marrying dogs. That's what happened to Australia.