@Bacon_Ball: Twitter was down for a couple of hours but I didn't panic at all. I dialed 911 and calmly told them "people are about to die". Then Hung up.
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@withanewname: [interview] "Says here, you like to master debate in your free time?" "Yeah, sorry, that's a typo"
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Now what's the rule, son? 11yo: *sighs* If his first album came out after 2000, I can't call him a rapper. Me: You're learning...
@iAmJuddy: Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*