@Bacon_Ball: Twitter was down for a couple of hours but I didn't panic at all. I dialed 911 and calmly told them "people are about to die". Then Hung up.
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@caperbc75: First off I want to commend you for taking part in credit counselling. Now, under assets you wrote "like an onion". Can you clarify?
@DulciePlaid: When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.
@bourgeoisalien: Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex.
@SamGrittner: If someone starts talking to you, easily get out of the conversation by nodding while climbing the nearest tree.