@Bacon_Ball: Twitter was down for a couple of hours but I didn't panic at all. I dialed 911 and calmly told them "people are about to die". Then Hung up.
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@AndyAsAdjective: ME: I love you HER: ME: I said I love you HER: sir, I can't give you extra curly fries…please just pay for your order
@NaaN_Conformist: Back in my day, we didn't have iPads. If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up.
@rhysjamesy: So cute how this taxi driver is taking an unnecessarily long route and driving slowly so he gets to spend more time with me.