@roggyie: Twitter: Where if the chemistry's good, the geography won't be..
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@murrman5: [helping son prepare for first date] "what if she doesn't like it" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son
@mcclure111: Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft
@Dawn_M_: The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
@mellimelle: In case anyone asks, we found these dead hookers while we were digging holes in the woods.