@NicestHippo: Two ads? IN A ROW? On this website that gives me access to all the music ever made? I won't stand for it
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@SteveSuckington: [first date] Me: so u just wanna poke ur straw thru that little hole Her: I know how juice boxes work Mom: well isn't she a feisty one?
@kentgrossarth: Girlfriend: Have you ever been with a fat chick? Me: Nope, you're the first one. Gf: What? Me: What?
@Home_Halfway: Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would've been if he'd eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.