@missekay: 'Two can play that game...'
-people who dont understand that's how games usually work
@AmishPornStar1: It's important to be comfortable in your own skin...
Because, apparently, it's illegal to wear someone else's.
@ProfessorWeed_: There is no more cake. This is my suicide note.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: ur more likely to get hit by lightning than eaten by a shark
SHARK: [biting my torso] today's your lucky day
ME: *gets hit by lightning*
@LaraineBaker: My daughter put on a princess dress and asked if I had any "play pretend" outfits so I put on workout clothes.
@GrantTanaka: me: son, you're adopted
me: no no it's a good thing, it means we actually wanted you