@TEXASVETERAN: Two Jehovah Witnesses walk into a bar. LOL JK. They knocked.
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@GermanFreckles: *enter password* *wrong* *wrong* *wrong* *reset password* ... *new password can't be the same as old password*
@markydoodoo: FACT: if a cop says FREEZE and then you say "now everybody clap yo hands" he has to drop his gun and clap and then you can get away.
@topaz_kell: [taking a picture] Me: "Make love to the camera!" Grandma: "Don't make this weird, dear."
@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.