@Lovestained555: UBER: Sounds better than "Let's get in this strange man's car!"
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@IAmKashWah: *outside my house* - Don't let them know you have Clifford - Hey you must really like red your whole first floor is red, and barks? - Damn
@Ygrene: [First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I… (trying to impress her) …am a criminal
@VerifiedDrunk: Twitter handles are what would happen if the DMV let everyone put whatever they wanted on their license plates.