@Lovestained555: UBER: Sounds better than "Let's get in this strange man's car!"
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@KelFocker: A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
@HighOnDrunk: I don't mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just ridiculous!
@AnAverageGiant: Today I had a mild panic attack over the fact I will die someday. Then I bought some shit on Amazon. Your mom is a hermaphrodite.