@weinerdog4life: Ugh, I hate wearing this towel while my wife washes my cape.
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@TheTimmyToes: [finally rich enough to go to a tailor] "How can I help you sir?" One clothes please!
@tigersgoroooar: I bet there are at least a few seconds when a tiger is chasing you where you look back and are like, "awwww..."
@ieatanddrink: I didn't post that copyright notice thing on my Facebook and I've already seen SIX of MY photos of me with my casseroles in BMW commercials