@Brianhopecomedy: Ugh, I may have lost my "World's Best Dad" keychain. My 2 year old was playing with it an hour ago but I don't know where she went.
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@mattZillaaaa: It's almost that time of night where I drunk text my ex "I have to tell you something" then shut my phone off.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Puts German chocolate in the fridge last night, this morning it's taken over the area that the polish sausage was in..
@HousewifeOfHell: Someday, scientists will capture the energy of eye rolls to produce electricity, and the world will be a cleaner, more sarcastic place.
@TheTweetOfGod: The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.