@Brianhopecomedy: Ugh, I may have lost my "World's Best Dad" keychain. My 2 year old was playing with it an hour ago but I don't know where she went.
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@Marlebean: Damn boy! What's your zodiac sign? Bc I think we should make that Sagittariuu into SagittariUS Oh you're a Leo? Le OH ..where are you going?
@MolotovJohnny: Why does it jump from 2% milk all the way to whole milk? Maybe I just want 47% milk...
@KeetPotato: lawyer: "my client claims the altercation began because - and i quote - "he came at me sideways" crab: "in my defence.."
@AmishPornStar1: My wife's yoga class is really relaxing... 'Cuz she's usually gone for at least two hours.