@Brianhopecomedy: UGH, I was planning this big romantic dinner for two and then my wife called to say she'd be home.
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@sammyrhodes: Here’s the thing about the paleo diet. If cavemen could have eaten donuts they would have.
@MooseAllain: In a hotel room. The dog's growling and whimpering. My wife's worried the neighbours will think we're having sex.
@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.