@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."
Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"
@scharpling: In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE.
@imchriskelly: Glad they redesigned Gmail---I've been dying to compose an email farther to the right.
@VerifiedDrunk: Finally nailed my girlfriend and her twin last night You know how I tell them apart? Her brother has a mustache.
@Mister_Veritas: [first day in the mob]
*leans over to mafioso* Hey, so, uhh, I've always wondered: are they all just named "Don" or...
@nonprophetess: Personal question. #JustSaying