@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."
Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"
@AndyRichter: My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
@bridger_w: If I were a mob boss, I'd ask my henchmen to meet me down by the docks, then surprise them with a day of water skiing
@novicefather: "Money isn't everything," I say, poorly.
@ashgrash: Ok, but like, how married are you?
@ehchino: [First date]
So what do you do for a living?
"I'm a florist"
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT'S LAVA?