@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."
Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"
@eye_spyder: if your brain produces saliva you have a patooey-tary gland thank you
@realHamOnWry: Today Donald Trump renewed his talk about surveillance on Mosques, gun control and adding alligators to FBI No Fly lists.
@chelliet22: I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower.
Exactly. I'M the idiot in a slasher film.
@lakeanagirl: I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!
@WhiskeyPotPie: If the zombie apocalypse hits and you all need a twist tie, my mom has everyone covered.