@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."
Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"
@barryjohnharper: I just stabbed my salad 23 times with my fork & now it's a Caesar Salad.
@robyn_vo: I just violently threw up for 6 minutes and now my coworkers think I'm the lead singer of Creed.
@Rollinintheseat: The key to house hunting is knowing that the house is more afraid of you than you are of it.
@dom_selleck: Get on your knees. Crawl towards me.
Look under the couch. I think I lost the remote under there.
@PrettyInCamo11: "Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you"
"Yeah....so is a grenade"