@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."
Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"
@envydatropic: It was a smart phone until I downloaded Twitter
@TheMichaelRock: Ghostbusters is my favorite movie where Bill Murray yells at a giant marshmallow man for stepping on a church.
@AudreyPorne: My neighbour is pissed. My recycle bin has missing for months so I've been using hers. My boyfriend is missing too. Same situation.
@turtledumplin: My husband's safe word is 'CRAMP!'
@AaronEves: "Who am I talking to, Ouija Board™?"
"Satan, do any boys in my class like me?"