@nPhelendriqal: Ughh...7 more hours till I can go home. Oh, sorry, my Canadian friends...7 more Kilometers till I can go home. Or is it liters?
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@deadstick_ron: [egg hatches and a duck billed platypus pops out] Mummy duck:... Daddy duck: WHAT THE ACTUAL FU Otter: Clive, now, calm down, lemme explain.
@thatUPSdude: My friend told me his wife talks a lot in her sleep "I know" was probably not the right answer
@LoveNLunchmeat: I always cry at weddings, but only because being that close to large cakes makes me so happy.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kanye West says he's the Michael Jordan of music. If he's talking about the time when Michael Jordan was playing baseball, I totally agree.