@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent steps out of his surveillance van, knocks on my front door] do you ever stop eating?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@perlapell: My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.
@jazmasta: Buddy, If you get in a fight with me there'll only be 2 "hits"; You hitting me and my screams of pain hitting 100 decibels.
@Marlebean: It's like the only thing my kids learned from Snow White is that fruit is horribly poisonous.