@Asbo_Unicorn: Unicorns have one horn and everyone says "ooh they're so magical" Cow's have 2 horns & no one cares even though they taste so much better
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@IamEnidColeslaw: If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?
@sammyrhodes: My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
@Marcmywords2: Pick a number, now add 7, divide by 4, write it down. Now get an apple, name it, show it a picture of your cat. Now go to bed,you're drunk.