@Asbo_Unicorn: Unicorns have one horn and everyone says "ooh they're so magical" Cow's have 2 horns & no one cares even though they taste so much better
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@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill
@Julian_Deane: Let’s move on now. if I had a pound for every time I heard a Brexit joke this week I’d nearly have a Euro.
@dazedandsincere: Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am