@RealSamHarwood: Unless you are literally the Dark Lord Voldemort then a snake is just not an acceptable pet dude
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@bergified: Send me your home address and I'll mail you a personal drawing of your favorite animal as long as its a buffalo.
@YayForJam: Anyone who's voice doesn't jump a few octaves when talking to a puppy probably kills people for a living
@moose_chocolate: Autocorrect changed "you're so wise" to "you're so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
@Underchilde: Bring spoiled food to work enough and your coworkers eventually stop eating anything with your name on it.