@hiitsgabrielle: Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, no one wants to hear about your workout.
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@crunchenhancer: What's the difference between carbon monoxide and spouses? Carbon monoxide is a silent killer.
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."
@amishschool: If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.