@hiitsgabrielle: Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, no one wants to hear about your workout.
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@DanMentos: *arrives in hell* *Hey Ya starts playing* haha nice love this song *song ends* … *Hey Ya starts playing* wait no
@dshack8: Coworker: Do u have a phone charger? Me: No. CW: How about the 1 on your desk? Me: WHO ARE U CALLING A JIGGABOO LINDA?! CW: OMG! *runs away*
@GingerHotDish: Maced a hobo who started pulling cables out of my computer at work. Turned out to be the hipster IT guy and now I'm in HR again.
@ScaryMommy: In marriage, there are two conversations: The one you think you're having and the one your husband hears.