@realHamOnWry: Unless you're planning to lay there shirtless in an open casket, there really is no point to killing yourself with diet and exercise.
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@VintageKriner: "You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark." The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage.
@TheAlexNevil: Survival Tip: if a bear comes at you, do not try to "sweep the leg". They've all seen The Karate Kid and learned how to defend against it.
@BruceForce: My gangsta career was brought to an abrupt and tragic end when my homies caught me sipping on a frappucino doing my taxes