@realHamOnWry: Unless you're planning to lay there shirtless in an open casket, there really is no point to killing yourself with diet and exercise.
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@Alex_N_Chains: I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag.
@BGH70: When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, "significantly less bleeding." Less bleeding is good for not being dead.
@bourgeoisalien: Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.