@Bandersnaaatch: Until my sneezes have time to figure out their beliefs, please stop blessing them.
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@TravLeBlanc: I'm working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [at gym] *spends 45 minutes untangling headphones *drops phone, squats to pick it up Phew! Good workout! *leaves
@BuckyIsotope: You're in a room with a murderer and someone who makes sandwiches with the crust end of the bread and you have 1 bullet. Who do- "Bread guy"