@emmatheist: Unwritten rule: if you find an unconscious security guard you have to drag him to a supply closet and change into his uniform.
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@Robert_Beau: My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn't my finger.
@PaperWash: HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times. -I say as I climb through your window
@BillPelicanBros: Cop: You were speeding so I'm going to be giving you a ticket Me: Ooh, could I win something Cop: Sort of, 2 more of these & you get a bike
@PJTLynch: I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane