@jergarl: Urban Dictionary is fake, and cannot be used in a court of law.
I know that now.
@theshamingofjay: Ugh, Amazon Prime takes two whole days for delivery. I wish there was a way I could buy things and get them immediately.
@wickedimproper: Every time "Cops" comes on I'm like "PLEASE don't show my episode."
@BookishBunny: At this point most of the hugs I'm involved in are just my kids using me as a napkin.
@daemonic3: [at airport Subway]
One footlong before my flight to Zurich
"American or Swiss?"
I'm flying Swiss
"I mean for cheese?"
No, for business
@Michael_Erhart: I'm gonna be a professional farmer when I grow up. I've been wanting to get in that field for years.