@jergarl: Urban Dictionary is fake, and cannot be used in a court of law.
I know that now.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows]
Me: Why are you upset?
Me: Was it the Donald-
Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.
@imdaintyaf: I'm so incapable of accepting a compliment that I've started just flat out refusing them.
Them: You look lovely today.
Me: No thank you.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: STATUS: Using the flashlight on my phone to look for the keys that are in my hand so I can open my car cuz I think I left my phone in there.
@Ygrene: Me: allow me to be a frank with you
You: ok but don't you mean 'be fra-'
Me: [is suddenly a hotdog]
You: [is suddenly a hotdog]
@LeBearGirdle: Guy at door: How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?
Dad: yea sure [yells up to me] son, you live with this guy now!