@palokin: Urban Outfitters: the most expensive way to look poor.
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@LeBearGirdle: *Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] "OH MY GOD" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]
@TheKegKiller: Scientists recently discovered T-Rex hunted in packs, confirming once again that we should all send that asteroid a thank you card.
@robfee: Dads in horror movies always have the most chill explanations. "Our son is covered in pentagrams!" Well maybe he's just allergic to dairy.
@CodyJP9412: COP: Do u know why I pulled u over? ME: *looks at the penguin in my passenger seat* God damnit Ralph I told u to put ur seatbelt on.