Funny Tweeter

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Page of 1followernodad's best tweets

@1followernodad : the most impressive scene in any spy movie is in Casino Royale when james bond is in a hotel shower and knows immediately how to use it.

@1followernodad: me: how can Americans be so arrogant?

also me: *is mad when United States is listed alphabetically instead of at the top of a list*

@1followernodad: *unfurls blueprint*
Ok here's how I'm gonna make tonight about me.

@1followernodad: If I had gone to Rydell High, I would have walked right up to Rizzo and asked, "Rizzo? Is that short for Chorizzo?"

@1followernodad: I've started replacing "yes" with "sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti."

@1followernodad: My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor.

@1followernodad: Can't wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.

@1followernodad: *whispers to an avocado*
"I'm the good kind of fat, too."

@1followernodad: Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away.