Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AngryRaccoon2's best tweets

@AngryRaccoon2 : "Mom, can you make me a snack and bring it upstairs?" Me: "No! What is this, Denny's?" "Mom, Denny's doesn't have an upstairs."

@AngryRaccoon2: My mother: *brings over crap every time she visits*

Also my mother: "You sure have a lot of crap."

@AngryRaccoon2: "Kids! Come say goodbye to your father!"

-Me, when my husband has a cold.

@AngryRaccoon2: Is he dead?

Is he dead?

Is she dead?

Is HE dead?

What about him?

Is SHE dead?

-My kids watching 80s music videos.

@AngryRaccoon2: "What do you want for breakfast?"
12: toast and jam.

Day 2.
"What do you want for breakfast?"
12: toast and jam.

Day 3.
I know! I'll just surprise her with toast and jam.
12: I don't like that.

@AngryRaccoon2: Ok, so there's "senior's parking," and "expectant mothers parking" at the grocery store.

Where is the parking for "Undermedicated, on a short fuse and probably shouldn't be out in public?"

@AngryRaccoon2: "Hey, we see that everything you've ever watched has been in English, may we suggest something in German?"

-Netflix.

@AngryRaccoon2: "2! 4! 6! 8! Who do we appreciate?

Nobody!!!! Hahahahahaha!"

-Teenagers

@AngryRaccoon2: 14: Wanna play a game?
12: Sure!
14: Do an impression of Mom
12: Oh that's easy
14: WITHOUT SWEARING
12: Forget it.

The end.