Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AngryRaccoon2's best tweets

@AngryRaccoon2 : If you keep your curtains open at night, please know I WILL slow down as I drive by to critique your decorating and see what you're watching.

@AngryRaccoon2: *Takes one earbud out*

*Hears kids fighting*

*Puts earbud back in*

@AngryRaccoon2: Me not wearing a bra is apparently a bat signal for anyone in the neighborhood who might need to come to my door for any reason .

@AngryRaccoon2: Whenever I go grocery shopping I make sure I'm stuck behind the people who have never seen food on shelves before.

@AngryRaccoon2: My superpower is choosing the one table in a restaurant next to the woman talking loudly enough that I know her entire family tree when I leave.

@AngryRaccoon2: "Go clean up your mansion!!!!!"

-My orthodontist, to his children, probably.

@AngryRaccoon2: *husband and I arguing*

Kids (in unison): "YAYYYYYY TWO CHRISTMASES!!!!!

@AngryRaccoon2: I bought a CD today.

Now I'm waiting for my carriage to take me home, because I have laundry to do at the river and butter to churn.

@AngryRaccoon2: If anxiety was good for weight loss, I'd be back to being a molecule.