Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AngryRaccoon2's best tweets

@AngryRaccoon2 : "What do you want for breakfast?" 12: toast and jam. Day 2. "What do you want for breakfast?" 12: toast and jam. Day 3. I know! I'll just surprise her with toast and jam. 12: I don't like that.

@AngryRaccoon2: Ok, so there's "senior's parking," and "expectant mothers parking" at the grocery store.

Where is the parking for "Undermedicated, on a short fuse and probably shouldn't be out in public?"

@AngryRaccoon2: "Hey, we see that everything you've ever watched has been in English, may we suggest something in German?"

-Netflix.

@AngryRaccoon2: "2! 4! 6! 8! Who do we appreciate?

Nobody!!!! Hahahahahaha!"

-Teenagers

@AngryRaccoon2: 14: Wanna play a game?
12: Sure!
14: Do an impression of Mom
12: Oh that's easy
14: WITHOUT SWEARING
12: Forget it.

The end.

@AngryRaccoon2: Most people don't put music on for pets when they go out, but here's me going back in the house to change it cuz the dog only likes Top 40.

@AngryRaccoon2: Herbal tea...for when you want to drink some scented hot water.

@AngryRaccoon2: Ah yes. My husband and I in our natural habitat.
Lying in bed on our phones whilst blowing pet hair off our screens.

@AngryRaccoon2: (At concert)

EVERYBODY ON YOUR FEET!!

Me: Not a chance

WAVE YOUR ARMS!!

Me: Ridiculous

OKAY YOU GUYS SING!!

Me: WHOSE CONCERT IS THIS?