@AnkCoupleTO: [being stared at by a bunch of guys as I bathe in an airport washroom] can someone get my back please?
@AnkCoupleTO: Her: Thank goodness you brought home a bottle of Drano, but how did you know we had a clogged drain?
Me: *chugging the entire bottle* what?
@AnkCoupleTO: [5 hours into assembling a new bed for my kid] you'll get used to sleeping on the floor in no time at all
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *eating my 3rd bowl of spicy chili*
Her: OMG you are not sleeping with me tonight
M: *eats spicy chili for the rest of my natural life*
@AnkCoupleTO: [skating together on a frozen pond]
Her: Isn't this romantic?
Me: *sees a 'danger thin ice' sign, makes a beeline for it* hell yeah
@AnkCoupleTO: Husband: *buys her flowers*
H: *buys her jewellery*
H: *starts extreme couponing*
W: *gives him all the sex*
@AnkCoupleTO: [special ops briefing]
Leader: We're going in deep & hard in the middle of the night
Me: I bet you say that to all the boys
L: Get out
@AnkCoupleTO: [in bed]
Her: *seductively whispering* in the mood for a midnight snack?
Me: *Oreo crumbs all over my face* I'm way ahead of you