Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bakedbrotatoes's best tweets

@bakedbrotatoes : *spits out animal cracker* This doesn't even taste like hippo.

@bakedbrotatoes: How to walk up the down escalator:

Step 1:
Step 1:
Step 1:
Step 1:
Step 1:

@bakedbrotatoes: -This is my son Michelangelo.
-Oh, like the artist.
-Um no like the Ninja Turtle.

@bakedbrotatoes: -You talkin to my girl?
*pops knuckles*

-What if I am?
*cracks neck*

*dislocates shoulder*

*breaks collarbone*

*fractures skull*

@BakedBrotatoes: [Judas standing alone waiting to be picked for dodgeball]

-Come on it was one time guys

*Jesus drags the CPR dummy to his side of the gym*

@BakedBrotatoes: *girl rests her head on my shoulder*

-Are you flexing?

-No

@BakedBrotatoes: *tosses banana peel out the window during a police chase*

@BakedBrotatoes: Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she's ready.

@BakedBrotatoes: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

GET YOUR VACCINE AT WALGREENS TODAY

@BakedBrotatoes: [Job Interview]

*okay, he can't find out I'm a wolf*

*fixes tie*

*checks breath*

IS THAT A PICTURE OF YOUR BABY SHE LOOKS DELICIOUS