Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BeardSpice's best tweets

@BeardSpice : BOSS: I don't know if you're the right man for the job BAKER: NO PLEASE *holds up dough* I KNEAD THIS

@BeardSpice: [God creating spiders]
What if I made a tiny land octopus that could walk on walls?

@BeardSpice: If you leave your house with one leg, that's going out on a limb.

@BeardSpice: [sitting in doctor's office]
It's bad news. You have a rare case of contagious memory loss.
"What do you mean?"
I can't remember.

@BeardSpice: I love jokes about video games. They work on so many levels.

@BeardSpice: *loses 100 pounds in the US* yes
*loses 100 pounds in England* no

@BeardSpice: *walks into bank*
THIS IS A ROBBERY
*people drop to the floor*
JUST KIDDING, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE LISTENING
*lowers guns*
A TOMATO IS A FRUIT

@BeardSpice: "I'm pregnant"
Are you kidding
"Technically yes"

@BeardSpice: "Do you have Coke"
No, is Pepsi okay
"Do you have updog"
What's updog
"Haha not much and no Pepsi is absolutely not okay"