Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BlackCatBettie's best tweets

@BlackCatBettie : If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.

@BlackCatBettie: You and I share a very special connection.

*I'm parked outside your house using your Wi-fi.

@BlackCatBettie: "Just so you know, you're coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.

@BlackCatBettie: I'm really bad at portioning uncooked pasta...so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready.

@BlackCatBettie: My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.

@BlackCatBettie: What's faster than the speed of light?

A female untagging herself from an unflattering photo.

@BlackCatBettie: If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.

@BlackCatBettie: A jealous woman...can make the FBI look like mall security.

@BlackCatBettie: And then God made Saturn.

And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.