Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BlindVigil's best tweets

@BlindVigil : Here's my ONLY problem with Evolution: When the chocolate chip evolved, how did the raisin not go extinct?

@BlindVigil: I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than my cat, but he refuses to take the test.

It unnerves me, because that's totally what a genius would do...

@BlindVigil: What do you call a potato/corn crime fighting duo?

Starchy and Husk

@BlindVigil: "My pleasure, doll"
"My pleasure doll"

Commas can make a world of difference...

@BlindVigil: Her: "Your funny"

Me: ".... Uh ya... this isn't gonna work"

@BlindVigil: I'm a champion of grammar;

A grampion, if you will.

@BlindVigil: "Impeccable" sounds like a general immunity to crow attacks...

@BlindVigil: I'll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.

@BlindVigil: If I lived in Alabama, I'd name my daughter, 'Banjo-lina".

@BlindVigil: *Farmer walks into job application

Farmer: I barely speak English, and my village doesn't have a computer.

Employer: BOOM! Tech support!