@BuckyIsotope: "Honey, did you leave your tools out in the backyard?"
*sounds of sawing*
*backyard is filled with dads building a deck*
Get the hose
@BuckyIsotope: *goes in for first kiss*
Before this goes any further, I need to understand your position on naming our kids after water Pokèmon
@BuckyIsotope: TARGET GUY: anything I can help you find?
ME: I’m looking for *eyes turn black* BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT
TARGET GUY: *eyes turn black* AISLE 5
@BuckyIsotope: Everyone dies of *something*. For example, this man is about to die from buying the last box of Thin Mints in front of me in the cookie line
@BuckyIsotope: HONEY I ACCIDENTALLY FILLED THE BABY'S BOTTLE WITH RED BULL
Oh god, is he sick
HE'S GOT ME IN A HEAD LOCK AND IS SAYING I'M A NERD. CALL 911
@BuckyIsotope: [commercial for soup]
Have you ever wanted to eat regular food only with water poured all over it?
@BuckyIsotope: Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer
@BuckyIsotope: Barbie's head is in the refrigerator. Ken swears a "giant child" did it. The police shrug and slap handcuffs on Ken and lead him away.