Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BuckyIsotope's best tweets

@BuckyIsotope : TARGET GUY: anything I can help you find? ME: I’m looking for *eyes turn black* BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT TARGET GUY: *eyes turn black* AISLE 5

@BuckyIsotope: Everyone dies of *something*. For example, this man is about to die from buying the last box of Thin Mints in front of me in the cookie line

@BuckyIsotope: HONEY I ACCIDENTALLY FILLED THE BABY'S BOTTLE WITH RED BULL
Oh god, is he sick
HE'S GOT ME IN A HEAD LOCK AND IS SAYING I'M A NERD. CALL 911

@BuckyIsotope: [commercial for soup]
Have you ever wanted to eat regular food only with water poured all over it?
NARRATOR: SOUP

@BuckyIsotope: Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer

@BuckyIsotope: Barbie's head is in the refrigerator. Ken swears a "giant child" did it. The police shrug and slap handcuffs on Ken and lead him away.

@BuckyIsotope: WISE MAN #1: I brought gold for the babe
WISE MAN #2: frankincense
WISE MAN #3: myrrh
ME: *pulls out Chili’s gift card* I hate you guys

@BuckyIsotope: I accidentally said HAIL SANTA instead of HAIL SATAN at satanic church today and now everyone is laughing at me and they took away my robes.

@BuckyIsotope: "What's up, doc?" says Bugs Bunny. "Not you," laughs the doctor. "Take these little blue pills."
*Looney Tunes music plays*

@BuckyIsotope: The ending for Toy Story 3 only Andy sells his toys to get weed money and makes a bong out of Mr. Potato Head.