Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Buffalojilll's best tweets

@Buffalojilll : Him: I'm leaving you Me: is it because I constantly misquote Shakespeare? Him: you compared me to a Summer's Eveā„¢... Me: parting is such sweet and sour :(

@Buffalojilll: There are two kinds of dog owners. Those that have tried their dog's treats and those that are lying.

@Buffalojilll: Him: Can you turn on the wifi?

Me: *does a seductive dance in front of the router*

@Buffalojilll: Me, trying to flirt with the Mormon missionary at my door:
No sir, have YOU heard the Good News? IT'S THAT I'M SINGLE.

@Buffalojilll: [Conditioning my hair in the shower]

Me: *rings bell*

My hair: *salivates*

@Buffalojilll: Me: "hey what time do you want to eat dinner?"

Him: "I dunno, I'm not picky. 6:30, 7?"

Me, *to myself* "damn, that's specific"

Me, into the phone, "Yes, table for two for 6:37."