Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of CarpentersCrack's best tweets

@CarpentersCrack : Ron on Facebook says he hopes to be stuck on a dessert island, so naturally I commented "that sounds delicious".

@CarpentersCrack: I like to stop drinking somewhere between "watch this" and "ohhhhhh shit".

@CarpentersCrack: I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.

@CarpentersCrack: I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.

@CarpentersCrack: Most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing.... A woman.