@ChrisScarlette: [being robbed]
Me: careful.. I'm ARMED
*whips out bible
*pulls gun out of bible
*pulls smaller bible out of gun
@ChrisScarlette: *i put two straws in my drink*
gf: awhh :)
me: hell ya double barrel
*i use both straws*
@ChrisScarlette: We now return to 'CANADIAN SNIPER'
*canadian sniper shoots an enemy*
*canadian sniper yells 'sorry' from far away*
@ChrisScarlette: [pizza delivery]
Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip*
uh HELL YEAH!
*pulls out phone*
see that RT button?
@ChrisScarlette: May I pay you handsomely, good sir?
-Why yes you may.
*pulls out Ryan Gosling*
@ChrisScarlette: "just great, I've lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse"
-A dinosaur, 66 million years ago